Case study blog

In today’s world, we’re all wired for online connections. It’s changing how we connect with each other. Physical social interactions are declining fast.

I met Janet when she reached out and sent me photos of her conducting The Gathering Lab dinner.

She’s read my book and hosted seven or eight of these small group dinners. They’re very special and intimate.

In this case study, you will learn:

Why quality social connections are important

The benefit of hosting a small group dinner

How to host a dinner party

What’s next for The Gathering Lab and how you can get involved

Janet, Founder of The Gathering Lab

Janet is a creative, strategist and writer. She resides in Alabama, where she shares her home with her husband, daughter, two cats, and a cherished community of friends and family.

Driven by her quest for genuine, value-driven connections, Janet founded The Gathering Lab.

Their methodology for building meaningful connections is based in the science of how people bond! From who you meet to how you meet, The Gathering Lab makes it easy to build organic, authentic connections within and across groups.

Since launching earlier this year, this Birmingham-based concept has grown to a 180+ person waitlist across 12 cities. For more information and to sign up for the waitlist, check out thegatheringlab.com. You can also follow them on Instagram @thegatheringlab.

It’s hard to meet people these days.

Sure, there are ways to increase the quantity of your connections – dating apps, remote meeting software, traditional networking events. But that’s not Janet’s goal.

The Gathering Lab is founded on improving the quality of connections based on the science of how we bond. One way she’s discovered to do that? Through a shared group activity like cooking dinner.

As Janet says, “People are hungry for a space like this.”

Your guests want to feel taken care of.

A loose structure to your gathering – like hosting a 2-Hour Cocktail Party or group dinner – can help you achieve that. These structured group activities bring people together in a way that’s designed for authentic connection.

To allow relationships to unfold naturally, there are certain rules to be followed:

You are not not allowed to talk about what you do for work

Cooking a meal together

1:1 structured conversations with people intentionally paired based on values-alignment

A shared playlist

A Jeffersonian-style dinner with questions based on the group’s values and interests

No cell phones

Always use name tags

One of the rules: Cook meals together

Allow for meaningful connections to flourish

Janet has hosted a number of dinner parties this year. Now, she has a new event format in mind.

She (and her attendees) loves the The Gathering Lab methodology, but it requires a kitchen, a hefty grocery bill, and a lot of time to plan.

So she asked herself a very important question: “Is 20% of what I’m doing giving me 80% of results? If I strip some of it away, does it change the outcome?”

This question led to a fun solution!

Janet is still focused on hosting events that lead to high-quality connections. She is just opening herself up to providing it in a different format – a lite version of her dinner parties via a happy hour!

These happy hour events will be available for alumni of The Gathering Lab. This format is more accessible for hosts who don’t have the time or money for a dinner party but still desire the authentic connections they get from these intimate events.

Janet has achieved great success in her role as the host of The Gathering Lab. I conducted an interview with her to gain further insights into her experiences and key learnings.

It’s hard to meet people these days. There are things to do to increase the quantity of your connections – apps, tech, networking events – but TGL improves the quality of connections.

Introverts are especially loving these events! They’re based on the science of bonding – structured group activity, connecting around shared interests or values, and 1:1 time – to make it comfortable for everyone.

It’s easier than you think to design an intentional evening like this!

If you’re an introverted host, do what makes you feel comfortable. Invite a small number of people. Give yourself permission to see how it goes. It doesn’t need to be huge to be meaningful.

I started by hosting a dinner party for 12 of my friends to see my framework was successful. They didn’t judge me, so I felt I could practice and experiment. I recommend starting there!

As an extrovert, I’m often carrying the conversation or proactively setting up events. However, TGL is different. I love to see how unnecessary I am as a host because I set up something at TGL that allows people to experience it themselves.

The intentionality of good questions and structuring an evening can make a safe space for people to socialize. This allows people to create the experience together versus individually when the right conditions and stage set for connections. I love that the science of connection is being used for the right reasons.

I used to worked professionally with schools across the country to build trusting relationships with stakeholders to accomplish important things with students.

As more local disconnection started happening, I asked, “What’s happening in our community and in our city?” We were stacking bricks on shaky foundations. This made it hard to take on bigger work and more important jobs.

I also saw this happening with my personal connections. I don’t have a physical workplace in Birmingham, so it took me a while to find my group. People in my area hold tight networks and I didn’t have the time to break into them.

So I considered a more modern way to socialize. The prototype for the Alumni Happy Hour came to me in March of 2023 thanks to Nick Gray and John Levy’s work around the science of how we bond and structuring intentional experiences to connect.

Pop-up events! We want to see TGL events taking place in cities outside of Birmingham where people host dinners using TGL methodology – matching people in common, setting norms for connections, participating in a shared activity, and asking intentional questions.

I want to see what happens when we have high-quality connections across diverse networks. We need to build the muscle of how we hold space for each other and I think TGL is how we can do that.

The social disconnect we all feel is real. But we can fix it.

Janet is expanding her dinner parties, happy hours, and pop-up events to cities beyond Birmingham. Following The Gathering Lab methodology, she wants to help others create spaces that encourage authentic connections.

We need to build the muscle of how we hold space for each other. One way to do this is by hosting gatherings like a dinner party and:

Matching people in common based on interests/values,

Setting norms for connections,

Engaging in a shared activity, and

Asking intentional questions.

Then allow for meaningful relationships to flourish. Happy connecting!

Nick Gray is the author of The 2-Hour Cocktail Party. He’s been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and in a popular TEDx talk. He sold his last company Museum Hack in 2019. Today he’s an expert on networking events, small parties, and creating relationships. Read more about Nick Gray here.

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