Inside Out

 Inside Out

I'd never imagined that I, of all people, could be homeless. That was something that just never crossed my mind as a possibility seeing that I’ve always been that person with multiple jobs... Don't get me wrong, I’ve crashed on a friend's couch before and lived in short term rentals, but to actually have to look for places to sleep in the corners of the city was something different.

Some days you never forget. For some it's a special moment with family and friends. For me it was July 7th, 2022, the day my 2016 Jeep Renegade was repossessed. I had no idea the domino effect that would ensue. I had only been in Phoenix for 2 months, in and out of air bnbs and working at a job with a high turnover rate. Of course that didn't pay well, so food delivery was my side hustle. I was 3 months behind on car payments and just couldn't seem to catch up after leaving my job of 3 years in Dallas. 

Picture it, you're a Door Dasher picking up an order from McAllister's Deli. You leave the store only to hear "Hey! Isn't that your car?!" You look into the parking lot and see your vehicle swiftly being towed away. I knew the day would come, but sheesh right now?! I stood there in embarrassment as I ordered an Uber back to my extended stay. 

What now? I have to be at work at 7am and it's 35 minutes away from the hotel room. Ordering an Uber or Lyft everyday was out of the question. My first thought was "rent a car!" I didn't want to go through the process of a credit check and paying various fees at a typical car rental place, so I opted for Turo. The convenience of paying someone to use their car was ideal; however, if the car was already booked for a certain time by another customer, I would need to return it and book another one. Imagine showing up to work in a different car every other day. The stares and whispers were uncomfortable to say the least. Sometimes I would have to leave early to return the car and this caught the attention of management.  I was pulled aside and asked "what's going on?" I went ahead and told my supervisor about the situation and she offered me a ride to work with her so I could save money since she lived close by. It only took a few days of not doing DoorDash to realize this job alone won't cut it!  What now?

I found a gig as an application processor for a government program that qualified low-income families for free internet. It paid $20 per approved application and it paid weekly. Only thing is, I would have to travel to multiple locations. So Turo it is!  This company noticed how eager I was to work and helped me get started pretty quickly.  I decided to leave the other job and just do DoorDash and process applications until I figured things out. I'm sure that's some kind of violation in the car rental agreement, but hey I was desperate! That went well for just over a month until September 5th. The DoorDash App crashes and I can't make any money. No money means no car or room rental. The fact that after I return this car I won't have any money for anything was hard to swallow. I was in an air bnb at this time and it was booked for one more day. 

September 7th is another day I'll never forget. Check out is 11am and I have luggage, a small dog, no car and nowhere to go. The host notices how uneasy I am and asks how she can help. I explain my situation and by the grace of God she offers to store my things while I figure things out. I would need to take the bus and train to get around and she just so happened to have an old pet carrier she wasn't using and gave it to me.  What are the odds? She also gave me a small backpack to put my essentials in. Her partner gave me a ride to the gas station to buy a bus pass. I barely had $4 to get it together.  I know what you're thinking. Where is your family? Where are your friends? At this time I was aware that my family wasn't in a position to help financially and I hadn't called my friends in weeks, so my pride wouldn't let me do it now.  My paycheck from the other gig wouldn't come for another week so I was on my own.

I vividly remember being downtown wandering around, tired and sleepy. This was my second day with nowhere to go and all I wanted was to close my eyes and rest. I saw the Fry's Parking Garage across the street and something said "go inside". I followed a crowd of people in and went up the staircase and stopped at the very top floor. It was there that I curled into a corner with my dog and slept for the next two days. The third day I tried that, security found me and kindly escorted me out. The next day I wandered around until nightfall and needed somewhere to rest. A silent voice in my head said "the doors of the church are always open".  I googled the nearest church and made my way there. By the grace of God the side door was open and I got a good night's rest in the children's room and was able to freshen up in the restroom. The following night the door was locked. 

The next few days were a doozy. I would just go to parks and get spurts of sleep during the day so I could be alert at night. The dangers of being a woman became intensely real and unsettling. You think people don’t notice you, but they do. You assume people are minding their own business, but when you don’t “look homeless” you attract unwanted attention. I immediately became hypervigilant of my surroundings. Everyone’s motives became questionable. Is this guy just making conversation or is he trying to get information because he sees I’m alone? Are they following me?  Hours seemed like days and the days seemed like weeks. I tried not to throw myself a pity party as I would soon be able to make money again. I couldn’t help but wonder how I actually got here besides the obvious. I had several moments of self reflection that caused me to look at my life and question my decision making. Was I really trying my best? What needed to change? What does God want me to learn from this experience? 

After getting paid and swallowing my pride to ask my family and friends for help without giving any details, I was able to book another car. As I was waiting for the train to go pick it up, I met a young man by the name of Omar. I'm not quite sure how the conversation started, but he told me about another car rental company that has a weekly rate and you can keep it as long as you like. This would save me at least $400 per week compared to what I was paying with Turo. What are the odds that he would have such information specifically for me? To this day, I believe he was sent by God as a guide. I called the company to inquire, and was set to pick it up Friday Sept 24th. That means I only had a few days to Dash like my life depended on it, which it did!

After having the rental for a week I realized that paying for this car and an air bnb was draining my wallet. So the only thing that made sense was to sleep in the car as I saved for an apartment. I got a gym membership so I could shower. I eventually had to let the processor gig go because it became time consuming; however, I'm so grateful for it. For about 6 months I would just dash the days away and sleep near any QT gas station. I would occasionally get a room when my back hurt from sleeping in the car. I do realize this was a privilege. 

March 10th, 2023 I moved into my new apartment. I remember just standing in the middle of the living room with an immense feeling of relief and gratitude. I put my bags in the bedroom, fed my dog and just laid on the floor staring at the ceiling thanking God for this moment. I have a new perspective on life and what it means to be grateful. You never know what has lead someone to be where they are. You don't know what God is doing in their life. The best thing we can do as human beings is to be kind. That's what it's all about.