Professional Revision Sample

I revised this essay for a client who needed to apply to a corporate based internship abroad. I rewrote their paper which successfully landed them the position.

Addressed to the SATURN program,

On my first trip overseas, I was able to pinpoint the main reasons I would benefit from living abroad. Traveling taught me about various cultures and gave me the opportunity to meet new people. Previously I wanted to be a real estate agent and majored in business management. I learned about various industries such as customer service, hotel services, and business etiquette. I understand that fluent language ability and awareness of various cultures are essential for professional business owners. I have tried to become fluent in my target language in addition to understanding other cultures other than my own while residing in my home country, but it has not been an easy task due to geographical and environmental reasons.

In fact, for most companies in my home country’s customer service industries, job opportunities allowing for a future in my country of choice are difficult to find due to a lack of experience abroad and limited resources. Therefore, most new employees need a lot of hands-on experience in order to fit the necessary requirements to start their careers in the aforementioned country. However, to gain experience in my country of choice through the SATURN program gives me the opportunity to learn new languages while simultaneously working as an intern at a local company which would be a huge advantage in starting my career in business. This is the main reason as to why I applied for the SATURN program. In the country of my choosing, where races and cultures harmonize in various regions, working for a native company while working in an innovative corporate culture is an environment that I truly strive to be a part of.

I would like to work at a customer service company as I had originally intended, and work as an intern in my country. I hope to get the chance to work for a management agency that specifically involves in-person services. In addition, hotels and the hospitality industry would serve as a great way to jumpstart my career because they are related to the customer service industry to an extent. Furthermore, if I get a chance to work in sales or the marketing research field, I think that would help me fully understand minorities and the target culture alike, that exist outside of my home country.