Putting yourself first can make you feel a little selfish sometimes, it can also feel like a challenge, but the honest truth is that you need to draw a line, to set boundaries to make sure you are mentally and emotionally stable. Boundaries are a crucial part of your self-care journey.

Boundaries are the limits we set with ourselves around what we will or will not tolerate. Like we said before, they are like this invisible line that we draw to protect ourselves.

They are different for each individual and often can change as we grow and evolve as a person.

Boundary setting is the practice of communicating and asserting your personal values and needs to prevent having them compromised or violated.

It is essential to understand that no one has your back the way you do. And when you start setting boundaries you’re teaching people how you accept to be treated.

Let’s look at boundaries as your way to love and respect yourself, because how you feel within yourself and around other people affects your energy - Fired up or burnt out.

You might’ve built this giant, strong wall, shouting everybody out as a way to feel “safe” and make sure that no one can hurt you.

This gives you the feeling of being secure and protected; you isolate yourself from everyone and everything.

A sign that can tell you if you have created rigid boundaries is that since you try to protect yourself so much, you tend to keep people at a distance. You don’t share anything personal or profound about yourself so you can’t get attached and build meaningful relationships, you avoid the possibility of rejection at all costs; you don’t believe in second chances so you cut people out of your life in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes the boundaries you set for yourself might be considered too weak or not strong enough and is a very common problem that can end up making you feel anxious and overwhelmed just because you don’t set limits.

You might be oversharing your information, or you might get too afraid of rejection and conflict that you let yourself be mistreated, manipulated, or even abused. And the most common sign of weak boundaries is that you find it difficult to say “no” to people.

You have to identify your value and set boundaries that work for you.

It takes time, but when you learn to respect yourself and feel confident to tell others how you want to be treated, and what you tolerate and what you don’t, then you will be able to build meaningful relationships with people around you, and most importantly, with yourself.

And remember that is okay and healthy to change your boundaries as you experience life and evolve in your relationships.

You know you’ve built healthy boundaries when you’re okay communicating your needs; when you share about yourself just enough, when you don’t compromise your values for anyone, and when you accept that is okay to say “no” sometimes.

We accept what we think we deserve, so setting boundaries is not just about what we’re comfortable with and how we expect to be treated by others, it also defines the relationship with ourselves.

We’ve all been there. On occasions we don’t feel like we deserve to be happy or to feel good; we take other people’s opinions about ourselves way too serious and we end up believing that everything they say is wrong with us is true, and it makes us hate ourselves and think so poorly of us. We feel like we hit rock bottom and it makes us accept things and situations that cross the boundaries we established for ourselves.

Not everything is going to be perfect always and is okay to take the time and take a step back to see from a different point of view the situation we’re in, evaluate, and start to take actions to get ourselves back on the right track of self-care.

The most important thing is to learn to accept ourselves, with all our virtues and our flaws and to love and take care of our minds and bodies.

Know your needs: you know what you like and what you don’t; what you feel comfortable with and how you want to feel with yourself and with others. Even when you change your mind about certain things (which you’re totally allowed to and should never feel bad about!), you should ALWAYS put yourself and your needs first.

Express your desires: Speak up for yourself! Like we said before, no one is going to have your back and look after yourself like you do, and let’s be real here, no one cares about anyone but their selves. So you have to let people know your boundaries. No one is going to know if you don’t speak. They are not mind readers.

We teach others how to treat us - people cross these lines, we over-commit and end up hurting ourselves in the end.

We care so much about other people’s feelings that we sometimes forget where our boundaries start, and we end up allowing people to walk all over us, and then we even take the blame when we get hurt.

It is essential to set healthy boundaries in order to build and maintain healthy relationships and when you feel like something’s not right or you start to feel uncomfortable with a situation or a person is time to recognize you might need to set or adjust your boundaries.

So far we’ve discussed the definition of boundaries and what the different types of boundaries are. Now let’s dive in on how to set them; here are a few ways you can begin:

Start listening to your body: The first step to setting healthy boundaries is self-awareness. Your body gives you signals and you need to start listening to them. For example, you might feel it in your stomach, or maybe you break into a sweat; whatever the sign might be, honor what your body is telling you

Define what you want to accomplish by setting boundaries: Reflect on what you feel you can change to have a happier and fuller life and find out what activities make you feel confident and empowered with yourself; then you will know in which parts of your life you need to set boundaries.

Acknowledge your priorities and use them as a guide: Whatever it is that you have decided is most important to you, and that makes you feel joy and happiness; adjust your boundaries in order for you to have the time and energy to focus on that.

Communicate them with clarity (and respect): You should be able to express when you don’t want to do something; you’re not obligated to explain yourself if you don’t want to. Also, you need to become comfortable expressing discomfort with a situation or someone’s behavior.

Understand that each type of relationship requires different types of boundaries: It depends a lot on the situation and the people; for example, you may have more flexible boundaries in a personal setting, with someone with whom you have an intimate relationship.

Be aware that your relationships might change: Once you start setting healthy boundaries and start speaking up for yourself, there’s no surprise that the people who are abusive and manipulative or that have unhealthy boundaries; will not be happy about it and might even distance themselves from you. However, the people who really care for you and appreciate you will always be supportive.

Remember that boundaries can be flexible: It's only natural that the boundaries you set for yourself will change over time; as you and your priorities will never stay the same.

Setting healthy boundaries is a journey itself, you probably won’t get everything right the first time around, and you would definitely improve as you go.

So be kind to yourself and enjoy the process!