Mental Health Blog Writing

Watching someone you care about struggle with anxiety can feel overwhelming and helpless. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, unsure whether to offer advice or simply listen. Perhaps you’ve tried suggesting they “just breathe” or “think positive thoughts,” only to see them become more withdrawn. The frustration of wanting to help but not knowing how, is something many Australian families face every day.

If this resonates with you, you’re among millions of people who genuinely want to support a loved one but haven’t been equipped with the right tools. In my 30+ years as a psychologist, I’ve seen how the difference between helpful and unhelpful support can dramatically impact someone’s recovery journey.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 17.2% of Australians aged 16-85 experience anxiety disorders in any 12-month period, making it the most common mental health condition in the country. Whether it’s a partner who struggles with decision-making, a friend who cancels plans frequently, or a family member who seems constantly on edge, anxiety can affect your loved one in ways that might feel confusing or frustrating.

This guide will help you understand how to genuinely support someone with anxiety in ways that actually help:

How to recognise the different ways anxiety shows up in your loved one

What kind of support they actually need (versus what you think they need)

Why trying to “fix” them often backfires and what to do instead

How to support their therapy journey effectively

The importance of avoiding stigma while maintaining compassion

How to care for yourself while supporting them

Most importantly, you’ll understand that supporting someone with anxiety is a skill that can be learned, and that your compassionate presence can make a real difference in their recovery when you know how to help effectively.

You should know that supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about having all the answers or being able to take their worry away. It’s about creating the right kind of space for them to feel safe, understood, and empowered to seek the help they need.

Let me share some stories that illustrate what truly helpful support looks like in practice.

June’s partner, David*, first came to see me because he was frustrated with what he saw as June’s “indecisiveness.” She would spend hours agonising over simple choices like what to have for dinner or which route to take to work. He’d gotten into the habit of making decisions for her, thinking he was being helpful, but this only seemed to make her more anxious.

What David learned: June’s difficulty with decisions wasn’t laziness or indecision — it was a common anxiety symptom called “analysis paralysis.” When anxiety is high, the part of our brain responsible for decision-making can become overwhelmed. Understanding this helped David respond with patience rather than frustration.

For other people, anxiety might look completely different. Some become irritable and snappy when they’re feeling anxious. Others withdraw completely or become perfectionistic about certain things. Some people with anxiety are constantly busy and productive, using activity to manage their internal worry.

Stuart*, whose wife Emma* has anxiety, told me he initially thought Emma was angry with him because she’d become short-tempered and critical. Once he understood that irritability can be a symptom of anxiety — especially when someone is feeling overwhelmed — he was able to respond with compassion, instead of defensiveness.

The key insight here: Your loved one’s anxiety symptoms aren’t about you, and they’re not character flaws. They’re the way anxiety shows up for that particular person.

One of the biggest mistakes well-meaning supporters make, is assuming they know what will help. After years of working with clients, I’ve learned that the most helpful question you can ask is: “What would be most helpful for you right now?”

Jenny* learned this the hard way with her daughter, Kate*. When Kate would have anxiety attacks, Jenny would immediately start problem-solving: “Let’s make a list of what you’re worried about and tackle each thing.” This logical approach made perfect sense to Jenny, but it made Kate feel even more overwhelmed.

When they came to see me together, Kate was able to explain to her mum that when she was anxious, she didn’t want solutions — she wanted comfort and reassurance that she was safe. Sometimes she just needed Jenny to sit with her quietly, or to give her a hug and tell her everything would be okay.

What Jenny discovered: Once she started asking Kate what she needed instead of assuming, their relationship improved dramatically. Kate felt heard and supported, and Jenny felt much more confident about how to help.

Here are some questions that can help you understand what your loved one needs:

“When you’re feeling anxious, what helps you feel safer?”

“Would you like me to help you problem-solve, or do you need support in a different way?”

“What can I do that would be most helpful right now?”

“Is there anything I do that unintentionally makes things harder for you?”

The answers might surprise you. Some people need practical help, like having you take over certain tasks when they’re overwhelmed. Others need emotional support and reassurance. Still others need space and time to work through their feelings.

This is perhaps the hardest lesson for loving family members and friends to learn: you can’t fix someone else’s anxiety, and trying to do so often makes things worse.

Tim* came to me because his attempts to help his girlfriend Liza* with her anxiety were causing arguments. When Liza would worry about work, Tim would immediately offer solutions: “Just talk to your boss,” or “Maybe you should look for another job.” When she’d have trouble sleeping due to anxiety, he’d suggest meditation apps or chamomile tea.

While Tim’s intentions were loving, Liza felt like he wasn’t really listening to her feelings — he was just trying to make them go away. She started sharing less with him, which made Tim feel shut out and useless.

What I helped Tim understand: When someone is in the midst of anxiety, their nervous system is already activated. Adding pressure to “fix” things or take action can increase that activation. What Liza needed first was to feel heard and supported, not to be given a to-do list.

Instead of jumping into fix-it mode, try these approaches:

Validate their experience: “This sounds really stressful for you” or “I can see why you’d be worried about that.”

Offer comfort without solutions: Sometimes a hug, making them a cup of tea, or just sitting with them is more helpful than any advice.

Ask before offering solutions: “Would it help if we brainstormed some ideas, or do you just need me to listen right now?”

The goal is to help them feel supported and less alone with their anxiety, not to eliminate the anxiety itself. That’s the job of professional therapy, not of loving family and friends.

The most important thing you can do for someone with anxiety is encourage them to work with a qualified psychologist or counsellor. Professional treatment provides evidence-based approaches that have been proven effective for anxiety disorders.

Here’s how you can support their therapy journey:

Make it easier for them to attend: Offer to help with logistics like childcare, transport, or rearranging schedules. Sometimes practical barriers prevent people from getting the help they need.

Support their therapy homework: Many therapists give clients exercises to practice between sessions. You can help by giving them space and time to do these exercises, or by participating if they invite you to.

Be patient with the process: Research shows that therapy takes time to work. Improvement often happens gradually, with ups and downs along the way. Your consistent support helps them stick with treatment even when progress feels slow.

Educate yourself about anxiety: Understanding more about anxiety disorders can help you be a more informed and compassionate supporter. Beyond Blue offers excellent resources for family members and friends.

Rebecca* told me that one of the most helpful things her husband did was come to a session with her (with her permission) to learn about anxiety and understand what she was working on in therapy. This helped him know how to support her practice of new coping skills at home.

People with anxiety often carry significant shame about their condition. They worry about being seen as “crazy,” “weak,” or “too much.” These fears can prevent them from seeking help or being open about their struggles.

You can help by:

Using supportive language: Instead of saying “You’re being irrational,” try “This sounds really scary for you.” Replace “Just calm down” with “Let’s figure out what might help you feel safer right now.”

Treating anxiety like any other health condition: You wouldn’t tell someone with diabetes to “just think positive thoughts” about their blood sugar. Anxiety is a medical condition that deserves the same respect and understanding.

Not taking their anxiety personally: When someone cancels plans due to anxiety, it’s not about you. When they seem distant or preoccupied, it’s not necessarily because they’re angry with you.

Celebrating small victories: Recovery from anxiety happens in small steps. Acknowledge when they do something that feels challenging for them, even if it seems small to you.

Michael* shared with me how much it meant when his sister stopped asking him “Are you feeling better yet?” every time they talked, and instead started asking “How are you taking care of yourself today?” This shift helped him feel supported rather than pressured.

Supporting someone with anxiety can be emotionally demanding, especially if you’re a sensitive, caring person who tends to take on others’ emotions. It’s crucial to maintain your own wellbeing — not just for your sake, but for theirs too.

Here’s why self-care isn’t selfish when supporting someone with anxiety:

Preventing burnout: If you become overwhelmed or resentful, you won’t be able to offer genuine support. Taking care of yourself too helps you show up consistently for your loved one.

Modelling healthy boundaries: When you prioritise your own well-being, you show your loved one that it’s okay to have needs and limits. This is especially important if they struggle with people-pleasing or putting others first.

Avoiding codependency: It’s not healthy for either of you if they become completely dependent on your support, you don’t want to enable their condition. Professional therapy combined with a broader support network provides better outcomes.

Practical self-care while supporting someone with anxiety:

Set realistic expectations for what you can and can’t provide

Maintain your own friendships and interests

Take breaks when you need them and implement boundaries — this isn’t abandoning them

Remember that you’re not responsible for “curing” their anxiety or “fixing” them

At Integrated Health Specialists, we work with individuals and couples to help them understand their roles in supporting recovery while maintaining healthy relationships.

While your support is valuable, there are times when professional intervention becomes urgent:

Anxiety is getting worse despite your support and possibly therapy

It’s significantly impacting their work, relationships, or daily functioning

They’re completely avoiding situations that are important to them

You’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out as a supporter

If you’re concerned about immediate safety, contact Lifeline (13 11 14) or emergency services. For ongoing professional support, our team at Integrated Health Specialists can provide assessment and evidence-based treatment for anxiety disorders.

Remember: supporting someone with anxiety is a marathon, not a sprint. Your consistent, informed compassion can make a profound difference in their recovery journey. You don’t need to have all the answers — you just need to be willing to learn, listen, and care in ways that truly help.

If you’d like guidance on how to better support your loved one, or if you’re concerned about their anxiety levels, Integrated Health Specialists is here to help you navigate these challenges together.

For additional support strategies, you might find our article on coping with high-functioning anxiety helpful for understanding different types of anxiety presentations.

Avoid minimising phrases like “just relax,” “it’s not that bad,” or “everyone gets stressed sometimes.” Instead, try validation statements like “I can see this is really difficult for you” or “That sounds overwhelming.” Also avoid trying to logic them out of their anxiety — remember, anxiety isn’t logical, it’s emotional.

If anxiety is interfering with daily activities, work, relationships, or causing significant distress for more than a few weeks, it’s worth consulting a mental health professional. Trust your instincts — if you’re concerned, it’s better to seek guidance from a psychologist or GP.

Yes, but usually unintentionally. Common mistakes include trying to fix their problems instead of listening, minimising their concerns, or taking their anxiety symptoms personally. The good news is that these patterns can be changed once you understand what’s truly helpful.

While things like exercise, good sleep, and stress management can support anxiety treatment, they shouldn’t replace professional therapy for clinical anxiety. Support their healthy choices, but don’t suggest these as alternatives to proper treatment.

Research shows that many people begin to see improvements within 6-12 sessions of evidence-based therapy, though this varies for each individual. Recovery is rarely linear — there are usually ups and downs along the way.

You can’t force someone into therapy, but you can express your concerns lovingly and offer to help them find resources. Sometimes people are more open to help during a crisis, or when they see how their anxiety is affecting their relationships. Focus on being supportive and available when they’re ready. Another option is to show them this article, as they might be surprised how much of themselves they recognise in what’s described here.

Stay calm and reassuring. Help them focus on slow, deep breathing. Remind them that panic attacks are temporary and they’re safe. Don’t leave them alone unless they ask you to. After the attack passes, suggest they speak with a counsellor about developing coping strategies.

Yes, anxiety disorders can develop in childhood. Signs include excessive worry, avoidance behaviours, physical complaints without medical cause, and significant distress. Children benefit from gentle validation, routine, and often professional support from a child psychologist experienced in treating young people.

Medical Disclaimer: This article provides educational information about supporting someone with anxiety and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If someone is experiencing severe anxiety, panic attacks, or thoughts of self-harm, please contact a qualified mental health professional or emergency services immediately.

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of clients.

Michelle van Namen is a Holistic Psychologist, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Life Coach and Integrative Health Practitioner with over 30 years of international experience working with human behaviour and improving mental health. Established in 2006, Integrated Health Specialists is her psychology practice located on the Gold Coast.

BA (Hons) in Psychology – University of Wollongong, 1995 Registered Psychologist with the Psychology Board (AHPRA) PSY0001395059 Member of the Australian Association of Psychologists Inc (AAPI) 15525 Medicare and Health Insurance Provider