Do you often find yourself avoiding social situations or activities? Are you the type to feel fearful or embarrassed in social circumstances? Does the thought of being judged terrify you? And do you constantly worry about people noticing how distressed you are in those scenarios?

If you nodded to those questions, you're not alone. Many people who experience these feelings identify as shy. But is that the explanation, or is there a medical condition behind it? And if there is, how are you supposed to seek help from a mental health specialist when the thought of calling to book an appointment or facing a professional frightens you?

Continue reading to find the answers to those questions and discover a step-by-step guide to scheduling an appointment with a professional.

Humans have evolved to live in communities that operate on interpersonal dynamics. Of course, living in a society has nuisances, such as frequent power imbalances, constraints, and expectations. However, this way of living provides a survival advantage because communities are structured and ordered environments where people are more protected and divide essential tasks.

Because being accepted by society significantly contributes to survival conditions, it's reasonable to worry about acceptance to a certain degree. That is why you probably heard someone say it's normal to feel discomfort before social exposure, for example, giving a presentation. However, societal standards consist of outgoing, extroverted individuals. Therefore, most people learn early enough to adapt to the environment, fulfill others' expectations, and overcome discomfort. The problem begins when they think everyone can do the same.

Those who don't act according to the norm, like shy or introverted people, are outcasted. They have to face stigmas like being weird, quiet, weak, boring, or arrogant, to which they may react negatively, making any attempt to reintegrate even more difficult. 

Individuals who are shy or introverted are usually ostracized for not conforming to the norms. Although the concepts are generally mixed up, and some people may identify with both, there are differences between shyness and introversion. Shyness is related to fear of social interactions, which leads to inhibition behavior. Introversion consists of a preference for being alone most of the time and feeling drained after social events. Hence, shy individuals can still want to be around people but feel scared. In contrast, introverts prefer to be alone but not because of fear.

People with these traits often spend many years trying to understand what is wrong with them. When they seek help, they receive advice on changing instead of accepting themselves first and then having control of their reactions. What matters is not being able to speak up whenever somebody else wants you to do it but to be able to speak up whenever you want to; it's also not being able to attend a party whenever your friends insist on you doing so but whenever you feel like it.

Shyness and introversion are personality features. They don't require treatment, but therapy can help individuals feel comfortable living in an outgoing, extroverted world. Nevertheless, when worries about embarrassment impact an individual's functioning and reduce quality of life, the fear response system is not working correctly, and professional assessment is required.

Before understanding how the fear response system may not function correctly, let us consider how it usually works.

Many things happen in the brain when we feel fear, especially in one structure called the amygdala. It's like an alarm that goes off when we perceive a potential hazard. Consequently, we feel both the psychological and physical components of fear. The latter happens because the sympathetic nervous system is activated and causes physiological alterations such as increased heart and respiratory rates and sweating. This response allows the body to fight or fly when facing an imminent threat.

There's a psychiatric condition called social anxiety disorder in which the fear response system falsely alarms when confronting harmless social situations, which causes many impediments for those who have it. In these cases, what is supposed to be a healthy response to danger (e.g., facing a lion) is turned into a pathological reaction to quotidian circumstances (e.g., giving a public speech).

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), classifies social anxiety disorder as an anxiety disorder. There are other types of anxiety disorders, and they all include symptoms of excessive fear and anxiety. While fear refers to the emotional response to perceiving potential danger, anxiety is the response to anticipating future threats.

Social anxiety disorder symptoms are explicitly related to social circumstances. They include:

Fear or anxiety of being scrutinized in social circumstances, such as engaging in social interactions, being observed while doing something, and performing for an audience.

Fear or anxiety of acting in a way other than expected or demonstrating anxiety symptoms.

The negative emotional response is always or almost always caused by social affairs.

Avoidance of social events or endurance with extreme fear or anxiety.

Interpretation of social situations and their consequences as being more dreadful than they are.

The symptoms are not necessarily related to every type of social interaction. If the fear is exclusive to performing, then it's specified as performance-only social anxiety disorder.

The symptoms are constant, last longer than six months, impair areas of functioning like social and occupational, decrease quality of life, and are not explained by other medical conditions or substance use.

The disorder typically begins during adolescence but can start in childhood or early adulthood. The prevalence rates decrease with age and are higher among women and people from collective-oriented cultures.

Only approximately half of people living with social anxiety disorder search for treatment, and it usually happens after having experienced symptoms for a long time (more than ten years). This delay is understandable, given that the disorder is commonly mistaken for shyness and that reaching out for professional assistance can feel overwhelming.

So, how can you overcome the fear of contacting a mental health professional?

Remember that this guide addresses possible fears regarding contacting a specialist. If you don't identify with any of the steps, it doesn't mean you should not seek help.

Shy people who don't act according to social rules are used to hearing phrases like "You should be less shy," "Just try to do it; it's nothing," or "You shouldn't be feeling this way," suggesting that they're responsible for and in control of their emotions, which can lead to guilty feelings and even lower self-esteem. You shouldn't blame yourself for your feelings. It's not under your control to change them; getting help is.

The first step in obtaining help is knowing you do this for yourself rather than to please anyone. You don't need to change your personality for people to be comfortable with it. However, it's essential to address symptoms that disrupt your normal functioning and may lead to other conditions like depression and substance abuse.

Reach out to your support system, whoever they may be: your family, friends, significant other, or support groups. Explain your intentions to seek professional help and ask for aid. Tell them you'll need them to be there for you through the different stages of the process. They can offer emotional or practical support for the next steps. 

Having reliable people with you will facilitate the process. However, you can still manage it alone if your support system is unavailable.

Find specialists with good recommendations by searching online or talking to your support system. Essential aspects to check are: 

Professional license;

Expertise and experience;

Insurance coverture or cost;

Location;

Availability.

When you find the professional's information, save their contact and prepare yourself to reach out.

If you're comfortable with calling:

Make sure to save the correct number to avoid being embarrassed by calling the wrong one.

Have a calendar open somewhere to see when you'll be available for the appointment.

If necessary, note down any information you may need and take a deep breath before contacting.

You'll probably speak to the assistant. They're used to talking to patients and will ideally not be judgmental.

Don't agree on an unavailable date because you don't want to cause trouble. It's always okay to suggest or ask for another one.

Confirm and note the appointment’s date and time.

Ask about the payment method and cost so you're prepared beforehand.

Inquire about rescheduling policies.

Be sure to complete all the steps without rushing to end the call.

If you prefer messaging, saving the right contact is essential. Don't read your message ten times; no one will scan it for errors or analyze your word choice. If they don't reply immediately, they're likely busy and will respond soon. There's no need to check your phone every five seconds. Instead, find a relaxing activity and continue the conversation when you receive the notification. Feel free to ask for clarification if needed; professionals are used to addressing patients' questions and will be able to assist you.

Remember, environments that provide mental health assistance are designed to be welcoming and safe while ensuring confidentiality. If you feel this is not the case, don't abandon hope; try to find another professional and restart the process.

Run an online search of the office beforehand. Note the complete address, including the floor and room, as well as the professional's name. If possible, look at a picture to become more familiar with it.

Find the best means of transport, preferably those you're used to, and try to get there earlier.

Keep your thoughts focused on positive things.

Once in the building, find your way to the doctor's office. If you need help finding the location, ask an employee for directions.

The people in the waiting room are also there to find help. Try not to judge them, and refrain from worrying about being judged yourself.

Speak to the assistant and pay attention to their orientation.

Enter the office and talk to the specialist. Don't feel embarrassed if you cry. It's a normal expression of your suffering, and they know how to manage it.

6. Following the mental health professional's advice

Book a follow-up appointment if necessary and adhere to the professional's advice.

If it's difficult to follow what was proposed, contact the specialist to try to change the plan to a more suitable one, but only act according to their instructions. If one approach doesn't work, others may. Therefore, it's essential to keep hope.

Whether you have been diagnosed or not, reflect on what you learned about yourself and try to be more educated about mental health. Whether you have a disorder, a personality trait, or something else, find information on reputable websites, articles, or books about it.

Remember that progress is often nonlinear. Reaching your goals requires patience and dedication. There will be ups and downs; be ready to go through them and try to notice the influences on each one. There's no one-fits-all recipe for dealing with mental health issues, so every turn in your route is unique. On some days, you may find yourself close to past scenarios, but you can be sure you're still more advanced than before; it's just a curve in your path toward self-knowledge and healing. On other days, you'll feel cured and think you no longer need to work on yourself. It's good when you're feeling well, but continue following the mental health expert's suggestions. 

You're doing great by taking care of yourself. Praise your achievements even when it seems no one else understands their importance. You understand the importance of everything that contributes to your well-being. This understanding is what gives you the strength to take the first step. It's also what will keep you going.

If this post was helpful or you have additional suggestions, please comment below and help inspire other people on their journey to healing.  

Disclaimer: This post provides only informational content and doesn't substitute professional advice.

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596

Leichsenring, F., & Leweke, F. (2017). Social Anxiety Disorder. The New England journal of medicine, 376(23), 2255–2264. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMcp1614701