Find Your Center For Satisfying Sex & Intense Intimacy

[THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN FOR CLIENT CNTRD.ORG, NOW DEFUNCT]

Nothing great ever comes easily, but don’t take our word for it. Ric Flair, arguably one of the greatest professional wrestlers from the WWE, says “To be the Man, You Got to Beat the Man.” And the only man to beat today is yourself. Don’t hold yourself back by pouncing into the ring untrained, first, you have gotta center yourself. 



Let’s prepare to take a deep dive into the world of the sexually centered. Throughout this article, you’ll encounter questions. Take the time to write out your reactions to each prompt.



We’re aiming to stimulate your sexual spirit, your intangible desires, and your unspoken needs. If you don’t feel you can find the words to respond, then take a moment to write how that made you feel. If you are thinking what the hell does this mean, write that and circle back to it the next day. 



What does finding your center mean?

It could mean many things, but here is how it relates to your next (and better) sexual encounter. 



• Finding your center means releasing pent-up tension within your body. 
• Finding your center means allowing the trivial to fall away. 
• Finding your center means feeling desire in the pit of your stomach stretching across your lingam. 
• Finding your center means dwelling in a place of internal calm and satisfaction. 
• Finding your center means living in your pleasure and true desires.
• Finding your center means validating yourself.  



Journal Prompt: What does being centered look, taste, feel, and manifest as for you?

Your center is you, without grief, without doubt, and without misconstrued ideas of your worth and significance in this world. If people think of sex and intimacy as an exchange of sexual energy (because it is) they would realize that when they aren't centered they are sexually exchanging all the pent-up tension and anxiety with their partners. The result? Bad sex.



Do you know the difference between peak arousal and being in a multi-orgasmic state? Think of peak arousal as a 400-yard dash to reach climax. If you chronically feel exhausted after a session, you are probably performing in a peak arousal state. I like to compare the peak arousal state to a Band-Aid. It feels good before and during, but you are spent. In this state, it may be easier to disconnect from your partner. 



What if sex could be more? Your (cock/penis/lingam/dick) has the power to heal. Think about that for a moment, because it can, when you practice multi-orgasmic sex.



And yes, men can be multi-orgasmic. The term refers to an orgasm happening within 20 minutes of the last. Here’s the kicker though, you can orgasm sans ejaculation. So, if you know you’re not ejaculating twice within 20 minutes of the last, that’s fine. It’s possible to be multi-orgasmic, without finishing, and still reach the pinnacle of sexual tension and release. 



Tips for becoming multi-orgasmic:



1. Do your daily kegel exercises. 
2. When you feel you are going to ejaculate, use the muscles you strengthened from your kegel exercises to hold back your sperm as you orgasm.  
3. Pinch the head. It shouldn’t hurt. The old folks in my life always said you should try everything at least once. 
4. Ask your partner to stimulate your taint and balls. One researcher says the down-there action could trigger another orgasm within 20 minutes.



Journaling Prompt: Don’t know how to start analyzing your unconscious biases surrounding sex? Ask yourself these questions below to help guide you to understand the current health of your sex life.



• When was the last time you approached sex as a healing experience for you and your partner? 
• When have you received energy gratefully and not in a state of starvation and greed?
• When was the last time you laughed during sex? Played in your most intimate and vulnerable moments? 
• What does sex mean to you? 
• What does satisfaction look like for you?



But how can you find the answer to any of these questions if you can’t define what your center is? Understand your center. Nurture with acts of self-care that bring you back to your essential self. Only then can you be in a state so liberated you enter an embodied state during your sexual encounters? 



When we push against growth or change it's usually because we don't want to leave our comfort zone.  And with sex, trying new things in bed can seem nerve-racking. Will your partner judge your performance and find it lacking? But who would be afraid of better sex, you ask? It's deeper than that. Sexual trauma and intimacy deprivation can lead to twisted ideas of what sex is and how it should feel. It limits your potential to milk sexual healing from your very being when you think of sex as a two-dimensional experience. Instead, think of sexual encounters as gateways to a spiritual world you step within to experience and release your highest self.  



Journaling Prompt: Try these questions to better understand how fear can exist around intimacy: 



1. Do you ever feel tired after sex?
2. Do you feel the need to climax with every sexual encounter?
3. What would happen to you if sex meant more to you if it was energizing and healing? 
4. Do you think connecting to your partner is trivial and stressful?
5. Does the idea of putting in more effort or unlearning sexual habits seem unnecessary? 
6. What would a sexual encounter look like if you weren’t reliant on your partner to bring you pleasure?
7. Are you giving or are you taking? 
8. Does giving seem like too much work?
9. Do you correlate intimacy as presenting as soft or as not masculine? 



Comfort will never lead to soul-rupturing bliss, it can’t. Get uncomfortable. Obviously, you want to be relaxed during the actual act, so do the deep work off the field.



Don’t be wary of a body connection. You don’t have to be in love to have great sex. But you can’t realize that if you’re uncentered, you won’t be able to connect to your body deeply enough to release and expand into pure, radiating pleasure that takes you and your partner to new heights. Our own minds are often our biggest barrier to living in pleasure. 



How can you find your center to experience better sex and intimacy?

Practicing Embodiment During Sex



In a pornographic world, we are taught arousal is visual stimulation and we forget the embodiment of intimacy. Compare it to the body high of an edible and the mental high of a perfectly rolled stavia blunt. Feeling with every inch of your body as if you were blind versus visualizing how you think sex should be and make you feel. It’s actually quite wild that we turn to the quick trigger of visualization and evade what could be an energizing sexual exchange if we were more in tune with our physical experience. The now. 



Sex in fact with the same person should never feel boring. Your brain chemically is not wired to grow tired of sex because of your partner’s appearance or singularity. Sexual pleasure is not intensified by scarcity. It’s intensified by intention and surrender. 



Let’s expand upon being embodied, we have mentioned more than a few times at this point. 



• Set the mood by curating an ambiance that evokes as many senses as possible.
• Play out some scenarios in your mind before foreplay. 
• Get out of your head. Be intimate with intention. 
• Connect to your breath throughout. 
• Recognize sex as an exchange of energy. 
• Focus on giving and not taking. Allow for natural cycling of pleasure. Her pleasure can further awaken yours. Your pleasure can penetrate and renew her. 
• To connect more with her body, take the time to play with the way your skin feels against hers. 
• Tell her you are enjoying the way she tastes and smells. Talk about the way it feels out loud to your partner. 



As you shift your sexual intentions away from peak arousal and toward multi-orgasmic encounters, you will surrender to your body’s sensations. As you become more in sync with your partner, you’ll want to push into your pleasure by using your breath. Just like we breathe deeply to center our minds, we breathe deeply to intensify sexual tension. Push your breath all the way down, to the tip of your manhood, and breathe into it. 



Feel the tightness in your neck muscles. Feel her skin. Be utterly and completely in the physical sensations of now. What happens if you hold your breath, or speed it up, or slow it down?



Society wants us to believe there is only so much for the masses; however, that is not the case for many things in our lives. Sexual pleasure does not operate from scarcity. Operate from an abundance mindset and you won’t feel empty and unsatisfied after your next sexual encounter. 



It is also important to note you don’t need to finish at the end of every roll in the hay. Not finishing could be good for your physical and spiritual health. 



Semen retention can increase testosterone. A study found that if it’s held for only a couple of days, the jump in testosterone wouldn't be as drastic as, say, abstaining from release for three weeks. A boost in Testosterone, small or not, could leave you feeling just a teensy bit more powerful!  But with the specific physical benefits aside, semen retention could go beyond by impacting your emotional health. 



Think of every intimate encounter as a chance to wrap yourself in sexual energy; purposeful, intimate, and satisfying. With semen retention, you take the heart-hammering pleasure of sex and push it into other areas of your life. You aren't tired at the end, in fact, you might be down for a couple more times that night. 



When we center ourselves we open our minds to receive in abundance. Staying centered pours into every part of your life, making your day-to-day enjoyable, purposeful, and successful. Stay CNTRD, and stay well.