“Wow!” Cho said in excitement, “there’s so much snow today!”
“There sure is,” I agreed, “it’s very pretty!”
Chihiro jumped into the snow and rolled around excitedly. Reo sighed in exasperation and went in after her only to get buried inside and turned into a miniature snowman. Sakura and Hiroto were hurling as many snowballs at each other as they could while Aya sighed at their antics. I smiled. Even though I haven’t known these people for long, they were like family to me in a strange but beautiful way.
“Are you joining in, Abiko?” Chako asked. He was watching the snowflakes fall with me. I shook my head.
“I don’t feel very well today but I still want to be outside,” I said. The truth is, my legs aren’t completely stable so it’s hard for me to jump around or crawl. I much rather observe my friends having fun.
“Ah, me as well.” We watched the snow fall in silence.
Darkness was slowly approaching but the others continued playing. The snowfall never became lighter or heavier and continued falling like before. This feeling brought me back to the day I was on the hospital ledge, feeling like I am alone but with the snowflakes there to comfort me.
“Abiko, what does snow mean to you?” Chako asked. I turned to look at him but he was still watching the snowflakes fall with the same, almost wistful-looking expression on his face.
“To me, snowflakes are a feeling of comfort,” I said, catching some on my hands, “it’s a bit strange, even when the world seems so dark and difficult, snowflakes always find me wherever I go.” I smiled. “I love the feeling of snow and I’m glad that I can always experience it no matter what happens to me.”
Chako seemed surprised. “Isn’t snow a cold and lonely concept? Many snowy towns and cities seem so isolated when they’re snowed in.”
“Perhaps, but it also feels very comforting to me,” I suggested, “almost like they are being lonely with me.”
“I…never thought of it that way before,” Chako said with genuine admiration in his voice, “I can learn so much from you, Abiko.”
“Aha, thank you,” I said a bit sheepishly. The stuff I said was a bit embarrassing now that I think about it. I never opened up this much about anything, even to Cho. I didn’t even know Chako that well so I wasn’t sure why I said those things.
“Ah sorry, I meant to say you’re very well spoken Abiko!” he said quickly, “I didn’t mean to call you old or anything, it’s more like you’re very wise.”
“No worries Ishikawa, I haven’t really told anyone how I felt about simple things like snow so it felt a bit embarrassing for me to open up to you like this.”
He shook his head. “I appreciate it, I truly do. You gave such a wise perspective to something I dismissed so quickly. If you don’t mind, can we talk more sometime?”
I smiled. “Of course Ishikawa.”
“Thank you, and if you don’t mind, may I call you Akemi?” Chako asked. I nodded.
“Of course, and I would love to call you Chako if possible as well!
After exchanging our name changes, Chako turned to face the snow. “You’re right Akemi,” he said in wonder, “snow really does feel a bit comforting sometimes.”
I noticed why I was able to open up to him. The way he looks right now reminds me of someone I know too well; myself. Lonely, with a world full of darkness surrounding him and his only comfort being snow.
I basked in the feeling of loneliness and realized that he was right as well. While comforting, I still felt very, very lonely. Despite being around people.
The world beneath me felt very close yet far. The cars parked, families walking and talking in the hospital grounds, patients being wheeled outside by nurses. It’s almost like a world that I can finally achieve.
The snow fell around me, almost like it was a sign. For me to start a new life from my current, wretched one.
One where I could have kept my career, fiance, and a happy family. One where I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. The idea of freedom being at my very fingertips almost overwhelmed me. I could finally escape this cruel reality.
Maybe one day I would be able to do that. Be at the hospital roof, watching everyone living their life below me. Maybe one day I could finally do it and escape. Even if I can’t, at least the snow will be there for me.
