Navigating the Red, White, and Blues: A Black Woman’s Journey...

Writer

Growing up in the vibrant cultural tapestry of Haiti, I twirled amidst the rhythm of life, shielded from the harsh realities of racial stigmas and dilemmas associated with being a black woman. Each day was a dance of innocence, a blissful ignorance of the complexities lurking beyond the horizon. But the transition to the United States shattered the comforting embrace of familiarity, thrusting me into the heart of American black culture—a place where every step feels like a tentative dance on a tightrope. As Kevin Hart once said, “I wasn’t ready!” And nearly a decade later, I still find myself waiting to be ready.

My reality became tinged with fear every time I saw those flashing lights in my rearview mirror. Once, when I got pulled over, my immediate instinct was to call my mom, hoping her presence could shield me from the potential terror of the encounter. Despite being a lover of movies, I found myself leaving the theater immediately after paying for my ticket, simply because I was the only BIPOC person there.

Amidst this tumultuous journey, I sought solace in the ink-stained pages of black writers whose words echoed the truth of our shared struggles. Their narratives became my refuge, offering a mirror to my own experiences, and a balm to soothe the wounds inflicted by systemic injustices. Angie Thomas’s poignant prose reverberated through the chambers of my heart, serving as a haunting reminder of the price of silence in the face of oppression.

Coping with the Complexities of Culture-Shock

In Haiti, black struggles in the U.S. were often framed as historical narratives, distant and resolved. However, my perspective underwent a profound transformation as I traversed through the red parts of the state, unearthing the unsettling truth that racism had not vanished but merely morphed into a different form. The fears of police brutality and the intricate dilemmas that once felt remote, became palpably real as I faced the challenges head-on. I never thought I’d feel so much anxiety just because I was getting pulled over by a cop, or think about whether a cop would ask me if I paid for my metro card. Reflecting on my experiences in Haiti, where my skin tone never served as a basis for concern during encounters with law enforcement, starkly contrasts the heightened tensions I encountered in the red parts of the state. For instance, while police patrols were not uncommon in Haiti, they often resulted in jovial interactions rather than moments of apprehension and fear.

I turned to black writers and authors in my quest for self-discovery and resilience. Works such as “The Other Wes Moore,” “The Hate You Give,” and “Home Going” became my companions, offering profound insights into the experiences of those who had walked similar paths. Although my struggles may differ, the anxiety triggered by the thought and encounter of racism is a shared sentiment. Angie Thomas, author of “The Hate U Give,” wrote, “I’ve seen it happen over and over again: a black person gets killed just for being black, and all hell breaks loose. I’ve tweeted RIP hashtags, reblogged pictures on Tumblr, and signed every petition out there. I always said that if I saw it happen to somebody, I would have the loudest voice, making sure the world knew what went down. Now I am that person, and I’m too afraid to speak.” I remember reading this in bed on a rainy night, finally feeling seen and understood in this reality.

Embracing Solidarity through Mentorship & Community

Academia became my compass in this uncharted territory–a sanctuary where I could dissect the complexities of black identity, and unravel the threads of my own narrative. Through rigorous study and introspection, I found clarity amidst the chaos, forging an unbreakable bond with my heritage and my truth. Engaging in African American studies courses, particularly “African Americans in Media,” transcended the boundaries of the classroom, leading me on a transformative journey into a deeper understanding of black culture in America. Thankfully, my professors asked all sorts of questions, whether the topic was irrelevant to class or not. My favorite professor went beyond textbooks to explain how to navigate the workplace or to network as a black person.

This exploration expanded my comprehension of what it means to be a black woman and immigrant in the intricate tapestry of American society; instilling profound self-awareness and informing my connections and relationships. Delving into the historical and contemporary aspects of the black experience, the academic discourse provided valuable insights that went beyond external struggles, becoming a personal exploration of my place within this complex narrative. The guidance and support of my professors were instrumental, not only in answering questions but also in navigating personal struggles.

Recognizing the importance of solidarity, I deliberately expanded my social network to include more black professionals. This intentional effort allowed me to share experiences, gain valuable insights, and foster a sense of community in an environment that often felt isolating. The collective strength derived from these connections became a source of inspiration and resilience in the face of adversity. One pivotal experience vividly illustrates the profound impact of my network. Throughout my career journey, securing suitable employment has proven to be a challenging pursuit, often leaving me disheartened and questioning my capabilities—a sentiment familiar to many navigating the competitive job market.

However, a transformative moment unfolded when I connected with a fellow professional at a conference, sharing a similar background to mine. In moments of vulnerability, I confided in her about my struggles. In a remarkable display of empathy and support, she not only extended a helping hand but also introduced me to a network of like-minded creatives. Through her guidance, I received invaluable assistance in refining my resume, identifying job opportunities that resonated with my aspirations, and celebrating my creativity. While I persist in pursuing my dream role, the actions of my network ally provided me with a profound sense of safety and belonging. The connections she facilitated not only bolstered my peace and confidence, but also underscored the invaluable power of solidarity within our community.

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Prioritizing Self-Care Amidst Fluctuating Struggles

I learned the significance of self-care as a means of preserving my mental and emotional well-being. Whether it was through taking walks to decompress, or sitting in the small but lively coffee shops of New York City, self-care was intertwined within my schedule like a doctor’s appointment.

Particularly in regards to 2020, I refused to let the stress of that tumultuous year take me down. Embracing moments of relaxation, rejuvenation, and nurturing my spirituality became essential to my journey. While the world demands much, self-care emerged as a revolutionary act and a deliberate effort to resist being consumed by the constant barrage of negative news and anger.

My journey from Haiti to the heart of America has been a testament to the resilience required to confront and overcome the challenges posed by racial prejudices. The evolution from a perception of racism as a historical artifact to a present-day reality, has underscored the need for continuous self-education, community building, and prioritizing personal well-being. As I navigate the red, white, and blues, my journey becomes not just an individual narrative but a reflection of the collective struggle for understanding, equity, and justice in my new home.