Refining Copy for Diverse Audiences

Chapter 10

                                                                          Mother

 

 

 A captain's voice [NM1]  be heard echoing through the halls of her mind. Sharp, audible rings cut like a knife inside the [NM2] . Madeline, in half-human form, [NM3]  down at her arms outstretched, and [NM4] , a voice [NM5]  her to hold on. There [NM6]  a loud rumble, a long sizzle sound, and a pop. "Re-entry!” flashed into her head. “We’re in space? Or, we were in space; now we are heading for?” Madeline [NM7] . “Earth?” One of the taller alien hybrid beings gently [NM8]  for Madeline to walk through the ship and follow it. It [NM9]  to be barely touching the floor as it [NM10]  in front of her. She [NM11]  other half-horse-looking people as well as full-on horses and unicorn horses behind a see-through mesh alloy. She [NM12]  taken to a large, theater-type, rounded room where she [NM13]  a massive screen. This screen [NM14]  huge, tall, and as far out as her eyes could see. Madeline stopped and gazed in awe all around her at the infinitely high ceiling that engulfed the whole room and the largely huge theater screen.

 “Is this a theater for everyone?” Madeline inquisitively asked the tall being. The tall being nodded slightly in response, and a spindly long arm or appendage emerged from its long robe to point at the screen. Subsequently, the arm withdrew within its cloak and emerged holding a remote control that brought to Madeline's mind her cable TV remote.

She said, "It's a freaking clicker!"

Madeline struggled to gain her balance. She felt they hit something or maybe just touched down on the sand. She heard loud pressure released, like from an airtight vacuum, that tingled her sensitive ears and made them slightly burst. Madeline opened her mouth wide and massaged her ear, which sat a bit differently on her head. The tall being vanished from her side as they landed, and Madeline was all alone on the viewing deck. The screen slowly closed for a moment, then began to open wide again. Madeline stayed in her spot, watching the scene outside the giant window. A huge mountain and other spacecraft were parked side by side around the perimeter. Dust [NM15]  beginning to settle and give way to giant stone-cut monuments and stairwells leading up to nowhere just yet. A chaotic scene of human-looking people, pharaoh-looking people, horses pushing, pulling, and transporting things, half-human animal-looking beings, and unicorn horses with horns that emit light [NM16] . They [NM17]  to be concentrating their beams on stone pieces. It was like a scene out of an old Hollywood movie, but instead of Roman centurions, you [NM18]  unicorns, giants, and floating god-looking aliens [NM19] .

“Oh my God, we must have landed in Egypt. Like when the pharaohs were building pyramids? This was in the book!”

Madeline recalled seeing a few illustrated panels that depicted the scene that was all around her. Half-human people like her [NM20]  in tandem with the human slaves of the time, and the tall beings erecting civilizations [NM21]  busy little bees. Madeline was trying to find the right word to say at the very moment of everything hitting her senses with sheer impact. All she could say was, “Totally awesome!”

 A voice comes into her head very clearly, telling her, “We are not where you think we are, [NM22] .” [NM23]  much like her mother's voice.

"What? So, where are we now? This feels ancient and old to me as if we've traveled back in time to the great pyramids. Aren't we in the desert?" Madeline tried to convey her sense of geography as it related to the globe she was familiar with from history and geology at the time. "Are we on a whole different planet?" That second, Madeline's fertile mind exploded. The idea that she had recently been operated on and had become [NM24] -human herself, on top of perhaps not being on the planet Earth, was definitely freaking her out like a paranoid speed [NM25] .

“We are, in fact, on a version of [NM26]  that you have never known.” The voice replied calmly and sweetly to her head. “Everything looked like this desert at one [NM27] .” The voice [NM28] . “The great ones seeded these areas. We helped them build, cultivate, farm, and terraform these dry, arid places to sustain life. We had a belief and a certain way to live and breed with these beings.” The voice [NM29] , “[NM30]  [NM31]  and lore come from right here, kiddo. This is what we are doing for you at this time, and there is space for you to co-habit with us.” The voice spoke nicely and seriously to [NM32] . “You are a part of our story. You are now living inside it and breathing it with us! Your human form leaves a legacy of our trade agreement with the slave, er, your kind of species.” Madeline caught a weird undertone from the voice.

“We are not slaves, mom. That’s our whole messed-up situation! I get it now! These superior motherfuckers have our race under their thumb." Madeline felt misguided anger directed at any being she looked at aboard the ship that wasn’t at least half human-looking to her. “You already know I’m going to be trouble, [NM33] ! I can’t just stand here and accept you guys ripping us apart to suit your weird animal fetishes! Look at me! I’m one of them now!” pointing to the scene outside the loading bay. “I’d rather stand out there as a slave in solidarity with my brothers and sisters! Not be on this comfortable cruise ship eating caviar or whatever! What do you even eat on here?” She stopped her rant for a second. “Do you even eat?” Madeline got a chill from that question. “Meat?” she added.

Madeline had to stop right there, as it was almost going to make her throw up. [NM34]  threw off her gloves and let her true colors show that she was indeed a free thinker and a hippie activist standing up for her ideals. Flashes of her being a stinky hippie came to her through her “fantasy vision.” Madeline noticed others were wearing uniform-like garb, and she was still pretty much nude. “Oh! Can you please find me something to wear here for real?” Madeline felt a bit disturbed that maybe her [NM35] -self back in Massachusetts was still not fully clothed either and was shivering, mesmerized by the book since she couldn’t exactly read it.

“I’m not cool with this!” [NM36]  spoke to herself under her breath.

 She felt helpless at the same time. What could she do about it? She [NM37]  on a large space vessel that [NM38]  just landed at some ancient futuristic civilization building site, and everyone aboard [NM39]  pretty much fair game for being a slave or worker bee for the aliens, human hybrid or not. “Is this a slave ship, mother?” Madeline demanded, “I want the truth, mother!” “What are we doing? What am I learning here? That I was born and fashioned to be part of your royal [NM40]  of half-Alien horse freaks? Eeew!” Madeline exhaled. [NM41]  lashed out any way she could [NM42]  felt as if she were taking a cheap stab at her new half-bred unicorn. “I mean, we’re not bad,” she paused. “We are just way different now!” she let out a sigh. “You might as well have kidnapped me, all of us! Because this was against our will!” she stopped. Madeline’s mother’s voice [NM43] .

 “Dear child, you were sent here by us before you even conceived of an idea in your father's mind. You have and always have been a part of your world's development, beyond worlds you have not even imagined. What you call magic and power is what we helped harness to sustain efforts to erect these places on your planet.”

“Unicorns helped make these places [NM44] ?" Madeline [NM45] .

 “Yes, indeed, they did! We had to replicate them. They can suspend heavy, impossible objects with their collective power.”

“The unicorns?” Madeline [NM46] .

“Yes,” said her mother's voice once again.

“Unicorns did all of this?” She pointed out the building landscape [NM47] .

 “Not exactly, Maddie. Not all. They play an important role in its development.”

“So… Where exactly did you find the real unicorns you stole?” Madeline asked [NM48] .

 “That’s a good way to put it, I suppose, Maddie.” [NM49]  mother said. “We had to go in search of your planet's lore and found out they didn’t exist on your planet time and space-wise. They did, however, thrive on a parallel planet dimension close to your own. The same planet is only a few dimensions over or in, as you would [NM50] .” Her mother's voice [NM51] , “Information and stories must have crossed over from that place because it is a land where your magic was born and existed.”

 Madeline just stared out blankly and was puzzled. [NM52]  stood there on the viewing deck for a full five minutes, mouth open, drooling slightly, feeling completely stoned. [NM53] , back in Springfield, felt every which way as she absorbed the information coursing through her veins. The ink carved into the pages surged directly into her body. She lifted up on her knees, arched her back, and closed her eyes, letting the book's magic pour its newly deciphered information into her. She [NM54]  to slightly convulse if she [NM55]  a mild seizure. “[NM56] , unicorns are real!” she [NM57]  excitedly. “They just aren’t from here per se," she [NM58] , scratching her soft, textured, furry forehead. “I mean [NM59] , not here! Where I’m at!” Madeline [NM60]  to feel herself reading on her bed. “I mean, there’s all kinds of weirdness going on here!” pointing to a giant human outside, picking his nose with a spear. “Where are we exactly?” she [NM61] .

“We are at one of your famous mythical sights.” Her mother chimed in [NM62] . “A thousand years before the great deluge that separates your land into your continents. This will be a great city—powerful and full of commerce. The people we chose are friendly and highly advanced, as you would say. Your kindness plays a big role in helping them finish their tasks.” [NM63]  voice continued. “You half-breeds live with them and keep peace and things running along with your levitating and truth-seeking [NM64] .”

 Madeline thought for a moment about all the magical cities and realms she knew since she knew and drew a lot of them. She remembered Kitty telling her about his [NM65] -building or overseeing the building of a few important places in her life. “[NM66] , we are not at the great pyramids of Egypt; although I see lots of pyramids everywhere and huge pillars, we must be building..." Madeline paused and was about to have a heart attack. Her heartbeat was racing through her uniform. “Atlantis?” Her large, rounded eyes looked properly micro-dosed, even as a horse.

[NM67] .”[NM68] 

 "So—no Poseidon? Hercules?”

 [NM69]  would expect. They only wrote hints of things they sensed through the ether in their time.” [NM70] Madeline was confused. [NM71]  us. We help build these lovely, sustainable places for them to coexist!”[NM72] 

Madeline had to scratch both her horse ears because, to her, that sounded like some hippy-dippy tripe that she would be all about and into. “I think that’s absolutely great, Mom, [NM73] …"

 “But what, dear?”

 “But…” Madeline let out a deep sigh. “Didn’t Atlantis sink into the ocean? If this place truly existed, and trust me, I know a lot about it!” Madeline got up on the stage and said, “We must be somewhere near ancient Greece then! Anyway, why go through all of this when we know what eventually happens to all these people?" Madeline spread her arms [NM74] , pointing. “Whoever stays here will die because this whole place goes underwater! It was a cool, mystical, undersea place we read about but never thought to consider it actually existed." Madeline looked out the loading bay that was open and saw the nice giant, who earlier was picking his nose, now standing tall, scratching his head, holding a large stone. A half-bred human horse comes from behind him and pokes him with a lengthy stick. A light beam zaps his back and spine, and he lifts into the air and disappears from Madeline’s sight. Madeline looked astonished and felt sad for the nice giant. She wished she knew him, or at least knew he had a name. She slightly felt a little anger directed at her “kind” of human half-breed and the bossy unicorns who just seemingly abused their levitation [NM75] .

 “I’m sorry you feel that way, Maddie. I know it’s an incredible story and a lot to take in all at once.” Her mother's voice said.

Madeline sensed someone or something entering the vast hall-like chamber. It was a shorter, slim human in a tight uniform and heels, with evenly trimmed sandy blonde hair. Madeline perceived it as if it were her own mother.

 "Mom? Is that you?" "Hello, Madeline! It's truly me!" the person declared, striding confidently