Why Days of Parental Leave feel like a Time-Warp

There are many misunderstandings when it comes to parental leave, especially during the first months of the baby’s life.Outsiders suppose it’s somehow like paid vacation, sitting at home and doing what you want. The baby should sleep the whole day anyway, so it must be all sunshine and rainbows.

The one staying at home with the baby, usually the moms, reflects a diametral kind of misunderstanding: Many of them can’t understand how a whole day could be gone already. They may manage to eat something themselves beside the care-taking, and that’s it.

And then this nagging voice inside their heads appears:How on earth did you not get something done today? Like, anything? You had the whole day, and you didn’t even get a shower. Not to speak of the kitchen, which looks like a battleground after artillery strike.

To make things worse, the inside voice isn’t the only one nagging in most families. This might be a mother-in-law dumping her unsolicited advice with some extra reproach on the side, badly boxed ashelpful tips.

Sometimes it’s even the partner. Our midwife told the story of a couple she was attending. The women took the whole parental leave by herself, whereas the man went right back to work after childbirth. He then came home late from work and nagged his wife because the kitchen was still a mess from cooking lunch. He’s the one going to work after all, whereas she has the whole day off at home. This usually ends in a messy fight, him accusing her of being lazy and her defending herself after an entire day of taking care of a newborn.

So yeah, where on earth does all this time fly? I am an eye-witness as I spent some parental leave with my girlfriend together. A newborn with his needs and demands sucks all of the day up, and I also often wondered how it can be evening already when I had done nothing other than providing lunch for my little family.

It’s hard to understand when not experienced how demanding a baby is. Focusing solely on these tiny, helpless creatures' needs and emotions requires all our cognitive capacity and energy. As babies couldn’t speak up for themselves, we have to find a way to translate their noises to fulfilling their needs. This is way harder and exhausting than I ever imagined. Combined with a two-hour-rhythm of feeding, diaper changing, and sleeping, there is no such thing as spare time. As our toddler refused to sleep anywhere else than on our chest or hugged besides, sleeping required one of us's attendance. This is somewhat of an explanation of where all this time is going. It all goes into loving and caring for this tiny human.

So, as an eye-witness, I highly recommend sharing a part of the parental leave, if possible in your situation. Not only is it a great feeling to grow from a relationship to a family and spent some time building the nest, but it’s also doing wonders in understanding how demanding and time-consumingstaying at homecan be.

Speaking of which, I am advocating for a more kind and embracing approach: If your baby is fed, clean and asleep, you did a damn good job. Besides your love, this is all these tiny humans need in the first phase of their life. Who cares about a messy kitchen or that you wear the same clothes you wore yesterday. It doesn’t matter.

Always remember:You are doing a damn great job.Everyone is so fast in criticizing and nagging, but no one really cares about praising the new parents for the wonders they are performing.They are literally giving life. If this is not divine and praise-worthy, I don’t know what is.

Kind Regards and My Best Wishes