Fear of Missing Out: How to Find Peace in Being Alone

The university ‘experience’ can be overwhelming. For many of us, it will be the first time we have to experience life completely alone – away from family, friends, and the local community on which we used to depend. Although we are constantly told that university will be an extremely social time in our lives, it is impossible to completely avoid moments of solitude. Especially with the continued impact of COVID-19 on our lives, much of our time is spent by ourselves, catching up on online lectures, and attempting to meet deadlines.

During my first few weeks at university, I would often wonder if anyone else was experiencing a lot more alone time than they had ever before. My expectations for what university would be like were so different from reality that I wondered if my experience could even be considered normal. When I finally spoke to my friends about this, I found out that I wasn’t the only one. While it is rarely talked about, it’s completely normal and common to have to spend a lot more time with and by yourself at university. This article will cover a few steps on how to enjoy this alone time and manage the fear of missing out (FOMO) during your university years.

Oftentimes, our own expectations will attempt to ruin our peace. If you think you should be spending all of your time being social, or constantly hanging out with friends, then it is easy to be let down. Even more so, if you see your friends spending time with others, without including you. Social media can make it so much worse, showcasing to the world what everyone is up to at all times. Meeting many different and new people at university has led me to realise that socialising with others is within the nature of friendship, and it is inevitably going to happen. Your friends will have other friends, just like you do. So how do we deal with these massive expectations we have for the university experience, such as being social at all times and making friends for life? Well, it’s simple: we let them go. The reality is that most of us will not become best friends with everyone we meet, and few of us will be socialising 24/7. Instead, we can find comfort in spending time quality time alone or with our community, without placing too much pressure on ourselves to conform to unrealistic expectations.

How can we approach finding peace and comfort in spending time alone? One method is to treat yourself as you would someone else. While we are quick to organize something special for a hangout with a friend or a date night, we do not often think of spending time with ourselves in the same way. It can be helpful to think of yourself as an entirely different person, someone you are trying to impress, appreciate, and entertain. The way we view ourselves can be so different from the way that we view others that this exercise will often be truly effective in fostering self-love and peace. We can implement this by creating a date night just for ourselves, complete with a nice dinner and a movie, or by organizing activities to partake in throughout the day like going on a walk, journaling, creating art, or baking pastries. It becomes easier to appreciate time spent alone when it is not taken up by wishing you were with someone else.

You’ll also find that spending time alone doesn’t have to be a reluctant act, chosen as the last resort. It can provide numerous benefits; the most important being the discovery of your own values and identity. It is likely you have spent most of your life in constant interaction with your parents, your friends, and your peers. You might not have realised the effect this has on the values you hold yourself to, including your perception of yourself or your likes and dislikes. When you are taken away from your family and friends, and given a chance to explore the world on your own, you have the rare and exciting opportunity to find your true passions, your genuine morals, and your real identity.

A healthy and peaceful relationship with yourself requires commitment and prioritisation. You can never reach a genuine level of appreciation for time spent alone unless you make yourself your highest priority. This doesn’t mean that you should never think of others, but simply that the respect you have for yourself comes before all other relationships. This healthy approach also prevents any of your friendships from affecting the peaceful relationship you have built with yourself for long-lasting peace and stability in your life. And so, if you need to face the world alone in the future, your connection to yourself will be as stable and as comfortable as possible at all times going forward.

Finding self-love and comfort in being alone can be a difficult and a scary journey. It requires you to look at yourself in a completely different light, and follow the slow process of discovering and or creating your own identity. No matter how much time or effort it takes to get there, it all becomes worth it when you can finally enjoy spending time alone, and learn to love yourself.