Letters to a friend in crisis, sent many years ago (2018)

Be sad

Although you are destined and deserving of a life of happiness and riches, I also have no doubt that you will feel sad at some point again.

And that's a good thing.

Sadness makes us feel human.

It may be disappointment, or bereavement of fear. It might be because of heartbreak. Let me just tell you now - the sadness that is caused by heartbreak is all-consuming and devastating but it is also transformative and is so intense that it can drive you to create something uniquely beautiful that would have been impossible in any other situation.

I don't miss having a broken heart, but I don't regret it either, not one little bit. It is essential for us to cry from time to time. It helps us de-stress, cheer up and put things in perspective.

Be sad for as long as you need.



Be ready

One day soon, you will wake up. And you will feel nothing.

Although it sounds strange, this feeling of 'nothing' will be such a relieving emotional sensation.

A few weeks, or maybe months, later, you will wake up and you will feel fine. Not good. Not bad. Just fine.

And then, after that, you'll wake up and you'll feel excited and hopeful and happy and confident and grateful and all manner of wonderful things. Somehow, the world will become bright again.

Somehow, you will look forward to things and will get butterflies in your stomach. Somehow, time will heal you.

In the future, you'll feel happy again.

But right now, all I need you to feel is ready. Ready to go on.



Live to succeed

In the future, you will set your mind to something and you will stop at nothing to get it. It will seem like you want this thing more than you've ever wanted anything before.

It might be an academic grade, a part in a play or something active. You will put everything you have into working towards this achievement. The time leading up to it will be a difficult, intense one - it'll be frustrating, tiring, boring and infuriating to the point where you just want to give up and smash some shit. But then, just when you least expect it, you'll make a breakthrough. You'll realise something crucial, or you'll hit that note or that personal best.

You'll be a ball of nerves on the day. But then, you'll get the good news and the feeling of elated achievement will be indescribable. Live for this feeling.



Live to go to festivals

One day, on a muggy summer evening in the future, you will stand in a litter-strewn, torn-up field, surrounded by drunk and rowdy twenty-year olds, and you will sing along with the band on the stage until your voice goes hoarse and your ears are fuzzy.

Pressed into the crowd like a tin of sardines, you'll be intoxicated by the mere atmosphere (and probably some second-hand weed fumes) and your heart will thump with joy, along to the beat of the music.

You won't be able to stop yourself from smiling.

You'll form a bond with the people around you. One might pass you a glass of water and flash you a smile.

Live for the buzz of a festival.



Live to see the most beautiful place in the world

I want you to imagine somewhere for me.

Imagine a place where you can feel the sun soaking you with warmth. Imagine the gentle spray of tiny water droplets flecking your bare feet.

Open your eyes.

You can see a divine waterfall, surrounded by luscious, thriving rainforest. The world is bursting with colour. The frothy pool underneath the waterfall is a bottomless blue, flecked with glimmering green.

You can't see the bottom.

There is not another person in sight. You can hear a symphony of noise - birds, buzzes, the roar of the water, and an insignificant splash as you dip your bare foot into the swirling, effortlessly inviting pool.

This place exists. You will visit it one day.



Live to meet your soulmate

As of May 2018, there were 7.6 billion people in the world.

That means that as I write this, there are 7,624,136,000 people who have never had the pleasure of meeting you yet.

There is at least one person, living on the other side of the world, who you haven't met yet, but you will. And they know what you're going through. They are feeling the same things. They are thinking of you - although they don't quite know it yet - and they are desperate to meet you.

So hold on for this nameless, faceless person whose soul is connected to yours by the pure necessity to be found.

When you meet this person, at some point in the future, you will be glad you did.



Live to buy yourself new shoes

Decades into the future, you will be exhausted and overworked. You'll slump into a chair and groan as you realise you have to pay the bills.

However, as you read your bank balance your eyes will widen with surprise. You'll realise you've never learnt this much before.

And then all that work will seem worth it (until, of course, you remember that more money = more tax).

You'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief and pay the bills and the tax, and pick up the laptop and find yourself a nice new pair of shoes. They can be your 'rich lady shoes' and every time you put them on you'll be reminded that hard work does pay off.

When you get that pay raise, give me a call. I'll take you shopping.



Live for your birthday

As you get older, you will start to resent your birthday - you'll be one year older and wrinklier, and you won't be inundated with presents and cards from relatives stuffed with money.

Chances are, you'll have to work on your birthday almost every year, and you'll go into work and get on with your day as usual without mentioning your birthday once, and nobody will know.

But, just imagine, one year as you return home, wearily opening the front door, your senses explode as all of your friends pop up from under the table and the counter and the sofa. "Surprise!"

All the music and the laughter and the cake will seem even better because it was so unexpected and you're so grateful. Your mood will go from 1 to 100 in a second.

Even when you think nobody cares, they do. You are loved. So loved.



Live for your children

One day, you will hold someone in your arms who will call you 'mummy'.

One day, you will create and deliver a unique, innocent, beautiful baby into the world.

And that baby will learn everything from you - how to love, how to be strong, how to straighten their hair.

They will love you immeasurable, no matter what you do, and they will grow up thinking you are the most amazing person in the world.

(They wouldn't be wrong to think that.)

You have so much to give the world and that includes children.

I can't wait to be there and meet them.



Live to remember

One day, a very long time from now, you will remember. You will tell stories of the days when you could take the stairs two at a time, and when - this thought will make you shudder - when you jumped so high on the trampoline that you thought you'd fly over the net.

You'll remember moments when your heart was so full that you thought it might just burst.

You will also remember when your heart felt truly broken to the point of no return.

But I guarantee you'll remember it fondly. All of it. even the hurt. And you will be so glad that you lived to experience it. To experience life.

Keep going - don't just survive, but live. I love you.